A question was raised on the radio the other day about the "American Dream". With the economy the way it is, they were curious to know, not only how many people could refrain from yelling "Boba Booey, Boba Booey, Howard Stern's penis!!", but whether or not owning a home is still considered a piece of the American dream. Apparently a lot of people that rent answered the call with their opinions about why it's better not to own a home with a long list of reasons. You don't have to mow the lawn, fix electrical or plumbing problems, or worry about whether or not you need to tell the neighbors you're cheating on your wife so at least someone will find out. There's no homeowner's association and there are no property taxes. Jehova's witnesses won't come to your door as much because they fear doors with a letter on it. All I had to do was turn the "t" upside down. Basically there were nothing but upsides to renting rather than buying. Stupid people will say, "but you're just throwing your money away.", which leads me to my point. Can you actually be a "home owner" or is that as much a contradictory statement as saying "Anne Coulter is insightful."?
No matter how much you pay on "real estate", it will never truly be yours. It's kind of like being in love with a stripper. There will always be property tax breathing down your neck. Now some people will say that property tax is good because it pays for local services like police, fire department, prostitution, and Wal-Mart greeters, but when you have to pay a tax on something that should be yours, it can be taken from you if you don't pay. Doing some research I found that not only did a guy rape an eight day old baby, but the word "real" in "real estate" actually came from the word "royal" Real estate translates to "the king's land". The difference between owning land and real estate is that real estate is contracted out. So what you're doing when you buy real estate is renting it out from the government, IRS, banks, Bill Gates, etc... You could get some old hick farmer to give you a piece of his land that he got when his ancestors walked out to it and said "mine!", build your own house out of materials you got from Tony that knows a guy down at Home Depot, and You will still have to pay tax on it to where if you don't, it will all be taken away from you. Just like an anorexic on a treadmill, you will lose everything.
I did find out there are ways to own your house outright, but it has to do with Alloidial titles and land patents. Without these things, nothing about your land is yours. They will charge you this tax all your life and when you decide one day that your balls finally dropped and you say, "You know what, this here is mine, I'm not paying you for what I already paid someone else for", they seize your property to make up for the loss in revenue you failed to fork out. So uh... how're you enjoying our government so far? I swear it's like an ex wife you can't get away from. You give them the good china, they want your copy of Fatal Frame II and I swear to God I'll never get that back, you f%$*ing whore!
So keep in mind what you really want in life, the ability to pick up and go whenever you want, or be stuck with something that's not even yours for 30 years or your credit gets turned to poo. I remain impartial.
In lighter news, apparently some guy raped an eight day old baby. What a sick world we live in.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
I've sent I don't know how many copies of my resume, but apparently, it's not appropriate to put, "I punch babies good" under "things I do for money", so I completely changed it to say, "I punch babies well". Actually, if I squint my eyes just right, the part where I say that I've been abducted by aliens, therefore I am a spiritual person, almost looks like it says I rape bunny rabbits, but it's alright because I do. Just look at 'em, they're so f$#*ing cuddly!
Friday, August 13, 2010
True Blood, unlike the pale twink fairy movie franchise Twilight, actually has story and character development that self-respecting people should care about and devote some down time to... if ever they find the time to get out of junior high and stop shelling out money to a bad acting, sparkly fag like Robert Pattinson. For the record, concerning people who get offended at everything, by fag, I don't mean he's gay. Don't get me wrong, he's most definitely a fag, he just so happens to be gay too. Anyway, enough about the oober cupcake fairy fag Bob Pattinson. We're here today to discuss one of the bigger annoyances in life, like why the hell are they f*$%ing with True Blood's sexual preference? Do we really need every single vampire story in the media today to either be obviously gay (Twilight) or in this case, demonstratively gay?
Let me tell you a little something about myself. I love lesbian porn just as much as the next guy, but we men have a double standard when it comes to inter-gender free-for-all. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules.
|courtesy of some guy with hairy arms|
Last week on True Blood, Lafayette and Jesus (<--- I know, right?) have their second make-out scene while Eric and Russel's spicy little Saturday night burrito boy toy have their own little kissy, kissy. Not too long ago, there was an episode where Sam had a dream where he was about to get naked with Bill Compton in the shower right after another close call make-out scene... Not that it's not oh so detrimental to the story, but this show is supposed to be about vampires, werewolves, shape shifters, telepaths, ancient demigods, and evil christians (<--- not like that's anything new). Why on Earth are all the dudes sharing tongue attacks when they should be ripping each others' faces off?
and the executives reply:
".......................Who the hell is Linda Hamilton?"
I'm sure that's how it would have went down so long as there was a generation of pasty, emo scene kids generating revenue wherever gay can be found.
Well, at least with True Blood there's no need to discuss what team you're on. Apparently they're all on the blue team.
No, not that one.
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The Nothing Report by Beau Horner is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at thenothingreport.blogspot.com.
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