Are You Ready for the TRUTH?!

Mrs. Clause is a clone.....There, I said it. The man at the North Pole doesn't want you to know her first name because he replaces her every 20 years or so. That's why we just call her Mrs. Clause. The North Pole is the easiest place in the world to hide bodies...This is also how he keeps the number of elves at a standard. What do you think he feeds the reindeer? I'm telling you once, I'm telling you twice....Santa's a F$@&in' murderer!
You should also consider getting out of aiding and abetting his money laundering scheme while you can.


What? You don't know what I'm talking about? Imagine the tax write-off he gets every year with as many presents he "claims" to give away. Have you ever seen this happen? No. Do lying parents tell you it happens? Every day. So, now we've established he's also a fraud. I don't know about you, but I want to expose this bastard once and for all. He even steals milk from me.......he breaks in the house un-f%$ing detected like a damn ninja, then just up and steals the damn milk! Who does that? Seriously! Who steals milk? Does he need something to wash that reindeer meat down with? Ohhh...ohh...Cookies you say. Yeah, he did it all for the cookies......Damnit, can't you see the pattern here?!?! There are no cookies because your parents ate them. They don't drink the milk because it's gotten warm by the time they remember it's there. They're a part of this scam along with corporate America. This is a national conspiracy here! Do you know what that means? Most of the christians in the world are lying, stealing, murdering, cover-up artists that help this country hide who the real mastermind behind all of this is.............Elvis.

Elvis shook his hips for one and only one end result...









To make this one particular child cry.
Why? Because he's Elvis.