Monday, September 21, 2009

Why Are You Stabbing Yourself? Why Are You Stabbing Yourself?

To get this out of the way, I thought I should warn you and your family for future reference, considering my crazy, sporadic soldiers once again broke through the protective stone structure that is Castle Wifey-wife and fertilized the Egg in the Iron Mask down in the damp, humid dungeon. That's right folks, my seed be many and once they take over the world, I will allow them to eat you quickly so that your suffering will be minimal.......or at least less than Carrot Top's will be.

To change the subject ever so slightly, but still remaining in the land of suffering, imagine if you will, you have a friend that constantly stabs themselves with a really sharp hunting knife. Whenever you come running and say, "stop doing that! That'll kill you, you know." (hey, maybe some people talk like that.), they might reply with, "I know I need to stop, don't ever let me do that again, ok?" After a while, they just start stabbing themselves again. You repeat the "stop that....bad" method and they repeat the "yeah, I know" method. Eventually, as much as you see them suffer with the constant stabbing, it starts to get to you a little. You're seeing a friend suffer so much that it makes you suffer. It's like watching a terminal patient's plug being pulled over and over.

So let's say over a decade goes by and by this time, your friend still has this knife and is still stabbing themselves. Nothing's changed; it's not even a different knife. Now imagine that you spend days trying to convince this friend that stabbing yourself is not a good idea. They put the knife in the drawer and say, "don't ever let me do that again, ok?" and as you're standing there watching, they look you straight in the eye and pull out the same knife that they had been apparently hiding behind their back and begin stabbing themselves continuously, brushing off the look of not only surprise but also disgust for the lack of consideration in all that effort you invested in them on your face. The best part of this is that this knife is so important, that stabbing themselves and twisting it a little completely trumps your presence whatsoever. This slap in the face almost makes you want to say, "you know what, that thing you're doing there with the stabbing and all.......yeah, just keep doing that." and you move on with your life, while your friend there goes through the stabbing routine all by themselves and exes you out of their lives without breaking a sweat.......

Now imagine you did all that in a chicken suit.

OK, seriously, what would you do? I know, I'm not too fond of hypothetical situations. Would you seriously suffer through the same thing with the same person for that long? Would you not start to think......."I must be an idiot" even after as much as a month of all that? Would you seriously be fond of the idea of being saddened over the misfortune of another person close to you over the same thing for over a third of your life, then find out that they didn't need you there in the first place?
This is like Bruce Wayne having to watch his parents murder and while he's growing up, Alfred turns gay and invites Joe Chill to live with them and now Bruce can hear his only friend getting raped nightly by his parents killer, but with every attempt to stop the madness, Alfred begs him to just bare with him, eventually he'll realize by himself that he's getting raped. So really, no matter what Bruce went through on a nightly basis, Alfred really didn't care what it did to little Brucey, Bruce is just along for the ride to see self destruction at its finest.

I hope you enjoyed my little shpeel. Maybe we can do it again some time.....................or maybe not. Either way, leave your knives at home please.