One Ring to Rule the Mall

Ladies and gentlemen, the end result of an onion ring giving birth...I don't see why they don't sell these little deep-fried treasure troves at an adult novelty store...or at least a crisis pregnancy center.
I bought a small order at my local Burger Kang for a buck and some change, only to find eight, count 'em, eight juicy, golden-brown rounds of goodness in the paper baggie they call a "container". When you take a dollar and add say, five cents for tax, that comes to a whopping 13 cents per ring. Now you decide, what's more important to you: a LARGE order of onion rings, or your child's education?... because that's what it's coming down to. Everyone's after your money, including you; so I guess that means EVERYONE is against you. All of this stress and anxiety for some fast food. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.