Monday, August 3, 2009
Comedy Central: Cry Me a Rivers
Boredom is what it is; the state of being bored. This substantial phenomenon makes television what it is; repetitive, recycled crap that gets launched from the minds of idiots and drips from your tv/monitor onto your ever waiting tongue to be processed and spit back out by some, while at the same time is engulfed by the weak minded and their tasteless gullets.
Good shows from the past, like "V" are being remade, Older movies like Tron are being remade. Everything else that had or will have any texture to it most likely comes from Japan or was a book at some time. The difference with book-to-film movies is that fans love the idea until they see it on the big screen, then the fans hate it while everyone else likes it. The only exception to this rule that I've seen is the Twilight series, whereas I've never seen bloodsucking cannibals with as much glitter and eyeliner as Boy George, but maybe he'll be the head vampire in upcoming installments.
See, for me it's pretty easy to avoid such piece-of-crap films like Dragon Ball: Evolution (by the way, I'm most likely never going to bother watching that piece of box office gold), but television is a little different because you can get a whiff of these parasitic bowel movements for even a split second while you're channel surfing from previously described boredom; just hoping you'll get lucky enough to ogle at Topanga on the Style Network (hey, that's one woman every man should want crawling on top of them).
Comedy Central is not only reaching into the farthest depths of what they believe comedy to be, for some reason Joan Rivers found it in her depths to let virtually jobless comedians ( and whatever Kathy Griffin feels like calling herself ) collect all of the jokes people have been wanting to lash out with for the last 15 years. Of all the accomplished people to belittle, they picked Joan Rivers? I don't even know why people watch these shows anyway. Apparently, the first roast got good enough ratings that the producers decided, "Hey, people liked it, let's do it again (and again and again and again) !!" What does Joan Rivers have to do with comedy? Is she funny or is she like, freakishly altered facial structure funny? I really don't have a problem with the woman. Personally I doubt that she ever announced any single one of these "comedians" on the red carpet. I just think if someone deserves to be roasted and it has to be an old lady, it should be someone that actually made a big contribution to comedy, like Betty White. I would lick that woman's sternum she's so awesome.
By the way, Spaceballs is now an animated series. I haven't seen it or even heard of it until about 5 minutes ago, so maybe Joan Rivers has something in her life people need her for. Spaceballs wouldn't be the same without her; but then again the best character in the movie is dead and even HE should have been roasted before Ms. Rivers. Mel Brooks for that matter should have a damn roast before anyone else. Just stop what you're doing ,Comedy Central; Call up Mel Brooks, get together funny, tasteful, veteran comedians that aren't addicted to the words "f$#k" and "c%*t" and roast that son of a bitch right now!
Why is it the people being roasted just keep getting less and less famous? Is everyone else saying no? Who's next, Nick Lachey? That would be kind of reaching. I don't even see why people watch any of them for that matter. The only celebrity roasts I watched were Pamela Anderson (so I could see some boobies), Bob Sagat, and Dennis Leary. Comedy Central altogether is hit or miss these days, but who's complaining other than me? I'm just a nobody that writes about nothing. Even if I were famous one day, I would completely avoid such events unless I could sit way in the back next to Pauly Shore and Gallagher.
Gallagher actually asked to be roasted, but it turns out they'd rather roast the watermelon.
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The Nothing Report by Beau Horner is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at thenothingreport.blogspot.com.
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