originally posted: October 2008
|yes, I was at Wal-Mart and took this picture myself. The Die Hard DVD case was a copy of the Die Hard 2 DVD case, just reversed.|
With the latest Die Hard movie, whatever the name was, you'd think that Mr. Willis would be gettin' tired of being bloody for 2 hours at a time. That would almost be enough to drive you crazy. Crazy like a Burger King employee performing on a mall Santa in the alley behind McDonald's. Now That's having it your way.
John McLain apparently went nuts somewhere between Die Hard parts 1 and 2, but it's part 17 I'm looking forward to. We're calling it: "Die More Harder: Dying is Almost Impossible When You're Alive" (it's a work in progress title).
It's the year 2134.
Detective McLain is still alive somehow and more harder than ever! The internet (which is now known as Obama Land) has been taken over by Chuck Norris Jokes and his string of reality shows featured on VH1 entitled, "Roundhouse Kick of Love", seasons one through whenever the f$%# Chuck Norris says ...
McLain now has a reason to stop the future by traveling back in time via a magical Demi Moore blow-up doll (what are the odds, right?), gather everybody that copies-and-pastes those stupid Chuck Norris jokes to their Myspace page on an everyday basis, kick them in their teeth and urinate fire on them while they're down (that last part might be unnecessary, but what can you do, it's in the script. Besides, are you gonna stop Chuck Norris?).
After the internet wars of 2136, Johnny boy discovers that he's actually an action hero in a movie because a fat kid from Baby Steps tells him so. As long as the guy with the glass eye doesn't find the magic movie ticket, we still have half a plot for the next eighteen sequels.
He's got a new book coming out.
He's calling it: "How to Smoke a Cigarette and Pretend it's Not a Tampon" (also a work in progress).