Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Sarcasm is Best Used in Absence

I found this sign at the BP station along with some kind of advertisement about a stronger engine. Here's the problem. Do you see any signs of muscles on this so-called arm protruding from an invisible orifice on the side of the outdated gas pump shown here? I sure as hell don't. In fact, I just see a big 'ol fist with an apparent gleam in its.......eye? This sign doesn't say to me "stronger engine" This sign clearly says, "OUR GAS WILL F *%#ING PUNCH YOU!!"

It really doesn't matter what condition your engine is in right now. With the gas prices at an all-time "suck it America", even merchandise at Big Lots is scratching it groin from financial herpes....and that's pretty serious.

However, apparently you can take your moped to the drive-through now. I thought it was just for whiny flannel wearing hippies, but I guess.....wait.......never mind. That is a whiny flannel wearing hippie. Why the hell didn't I ever get into truck driving or Tim Allen sitcoms; I could've been wearing flannel too. I suppose I'll just stick to buying holiday decorations at Big Lots. I don't even know why they call it that anyway. The store aren't exactly big and I don't remember ever seeing lots being sold there. The name makes about as much sense as Abercr.........Aber.........damnit, you get what I'm trying to say. Big Boy has a "big boy" outside, Dunkin' Donuts has donuts inside, The ABC store has Protestants, and Big Lots is a tiny glorified K Mart with seasonal ass matter and 3 dollar DVD's.
One thing's for sure though... at least they won't punch you.

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Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

They really should change their name to "Big Lots of Shit From China That Used to be Made Here".

btw, flannel is so hot!!

Rickey Henderson said...

Now that's some seriously extreme gas. Rickey's gonna scarf down a bag of Doritos and guzzle some Mountain Dew next time he fills up.

wblmom said...

lol, love this post and made me laugh. I know where your coming from that sign just is weird and some of the names of stores I just don't get either. Oh well what can ya do!

eve cleveland said...

Hey, Hon...
Don't you know you can git better stuff down to the Fred's Dollar? Don't waste your precious time with the Big Lots, its some kind a cult they is runnin out a there.