Saturday, August 9, 2008

Revenge of the..........that's just Weird...

This is a turtle. He's no ordinary turtle and he's not a ninja (I think he did know the Samurai Pizza Cats, though). Just a harmless, cartoonish turtle on the bathroom counter, waiting to teach my daughter how to count. Unfortunately this little underachiever in God's aquatic reptilian bestiary has one of those disorders that most people like to call disorders to keep from calling their children retards. This little guy here only knows one number...









Behold, the number 8. Not only has this fellows decal been put on cock-eyed, his ass has a hinge on it. Now, I don't want to poke fun at the less fortunate, but this thing is pretty pathetic. First of all, we don't even know the turtle knows how to speak, let alone knows how to count. I can just imagine some drunk executives somewhere saying to each other,

"Hey (*belch*) I got an iddddea. Let's make an animal with a number inside it. The kids will have to pry it open to learn what the number is....(*hiccup*) and then we'll put the stttticker on lopsided."

"What number?"

"8"

"Why 8?"

"That's how many times my father beat me."

"..........

ooooookay....... what animal?"


" A turtle"

"Don't tell me your father beat you with a turtle."

"What? No, you pervert. I just like to have sex with them."

"........................I'm not drunk anymore."


And that's pretty much how it would have to play out in order for society to come up with something as obscure as this. and that's the last time I get drunk at work.



I hate it when everybody sobers up while I'm trying to pitch an idea.
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11 comments:

Sarah♥ said...

But the Number eight is So Damn cool...

Johnny Virgil said...

freakin' auto-starting music....

Beau Horner said...

Sometimes the music works as an alarm for others when you have porn in another window.

Don said...

Huh? From a happy meal?

threio said...

the alarm works

Alice said...

So your kid only masters one number and associates it with turtles forever. Big deal. ; )

Get a Sharpie and start marking up the other plastic animals I know you have laying around the house.

Beau Horner said...

Now that's funny...

There are no other animals.

Meg said...

I think you kid is destined to be a great pool player.

And I'm still drunk, btw.

AoE said...

Your dad only beat you how many times? Lucky...

Beau Horner said...

Well when you're good at something, it lasts longer.

iMike said...

this is my new favorite blog. soley for the factor turtles with numbers on it are one of my fetishes