Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Memorial Day: 2 Pets 1 Duck

Memorial Day is one of those days that seems a little like society steps on my head and says......"wake up you bastard!" Living right by a cemetery doesn't exactly make things much better. It actually ranks right up there with Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on the door at 7AM. Gunshots going off and black helicopters flying over the house; I almost thought I was Joel Schumacher right after he did Batman and Robin. There's nothing better than waking up to the house shaking like Scooby Doo with Parkinson's.




The most obvious reason I wouldn't want to wake up early is so that I don't have to watch Wonder Pets. Have you ever seen this show? My daughter is addicted to it, so there's no doubt my wife thinks that's a good thing. Some people are addicted to scat movies, but you don't see me on a blog encouraging them to watch a girl poop into a cup and puke it into another girl's mouth after ingesting it. Wonder Pets makes me think that I've done something horribly wrong (like that time I got some peanut butter and I.......... never mind that) and God is punishing me beyond what anyone on Earth could possibly imagine (besides the creators of Wonder Pets). If I ever hear a duckling mispronounce it's R's in real life, I'm going to blow it away with a 10 gauge and eat the remains.

The only thing that comforts me at night is knowing that the electricity is subject to disconnection.

3 comments:

pixelpixie said...

Ah, poor Joel. What was he thinking with those damn nipples, really? That should have been the first sign that the movie was in big trouble. I can imagine if there were even a touch of reality to that movie...you'd have the scene from the dark alley where you hear criminals screaming at the initial looming silhouette of "The Batman" coming toward them, followed abruptly by hysterical laughter when those nipps hit the light....

Iloilo Onfoot said...

Batman..
Wonderpets...
I just wonder would happen if some
odd movie will pop out with a title Batman and the Wonderpets... that doesn't sound very nice...
anyways, you've got some good humor here, my friend, enjoyed reading your blog...

Beau Horner said...

Pixie - Ode to Shiny nipples... on the next Geraldo.

Whatever your name is - the only problem is one of them would dress up like robin, the other two would only be left with random stray pairs of bat-undies.
I hate generic super animals with clothes.