Friday, May 29, 2009

Drag Me to Hell: I Understand, I Can't Get a Damn Loan Either


I watched a movie preview the other night for the new Sam Raimi flick, Drag Me to Hell, and let me first say that when I saw this trailer I couldn't stop laughing. It didn't at first seem to me like it was a comedy, but when the plot comes from an old lady that can't get a loan extension, you don't really get much funnier. What the hell was everyone thinking? Was this supposed to be the best someone that makes way too much money could think of? Seriously, THIS is what they came up with. It sounds to me like this was a stand-up bit someone did in the 80's.
You ever have trouble getting a loan? Ask a gypsy what she would do. Apparently, not getting the bank's money spawns a worse reaction than getting called a bitch by the farris wheel.
Of course I haven't seen this yet. it comes out today, but I don't think 20 bucks will grace its presence at the theater in my name.


Honestly, I'd rather wait for the Adventures of Rape Ape to come out in theaters.

What better way to believe you're being drug into a fiery pit of torture and anguish than to be chased around by a gigantic purple gorilla's half-ton monkey wang shaped like a nuclear missle, trying to pop your black cherry......forever.

The movie in general will probably get bad reviews, but I could be wrong and people really like movie plots that somewhat rip off Steven King stories.

Maybe the girl will have to get her friends to eat her pie in order to lift the curse. It might look a little bloody, but you should be okay as long as you can walk through mud.

10 comments:

Expat From Hell said...

I saw this preview, too. I was lost when I saw the fly crawl up the girl's nose. Looks like a candidate for Red Box. I might pay $1 to watch. Thanks for the post. Good stuff.

EFH

Sue said...

As if I didn't have enough to worry about, zombies, aliens and now gypsies. Damn it all to Hell!

Frank Lee MeiDere said...

I don't know...this is Sam Raimi, remember. The same guy who brought us The Army of Darkness and Xena, Warrior Princess. It may be that he actually means it to be satirical.

On the other hand, he also brought us M.A.N.T.I.S. and The Hudsucker Proxy, so...

Beau Horner said...

Expat - those of us not planning on paying anything might still have to wait for the DVD to see anything at all. A Theater rip of this would probably be so dark, you'd think you're watching Boys in the Hood.

Sue - Just wait until I bring in the Siamese Alien Twins into the equation. Won't mom and dad be proud.

Frank Lee - Don't get me wrong. I loved Spiderman 1 and 3 and The Evil Dead series is probably the best cult classic series out there (not to mentionI'm a huge Bruce Campbell fan; but I mean....come on, another curse movie? What the hell do you contract from a fly anyway, West Side Nile Virus?

Chrissy said...

Okay, so I won't invite you to go to the movies with me. I saw this last night and really liked it. I even posted on it today. I always seem to like the movies no one else does.

Beau Horner said...

Chrissy - It's alright, lots of people like things I don't. Take khakis for example...

Candice said...

I read about it the other day. The article specifically said it was supposed to be a comedy/horror movie.

I'll wait for this piece of shit to come out on DVD like I do with all the others.

Actually, I think my blockbuster rights have been revoked by my husband. Last night we watched a movie that I rented called Hit and Run. It couldn't have been more of a flaming turd if it tried.

Beau Horner said...

Candice - Maybe the title was just a misunderstanding of the directions.

You know, sometimes when a horror movie is misinterpreted for a comedy, it usually means it sucks as a horror movie and the producers try to play it off with a big, "we meant to do that. Hopefully this one's different. Like I said, I haven't seen it yet so I'll be sure to post another blog about it when I do.

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