Monday, May 11, 2009

The Street Corners Just Got Sexier....and Less....Lively?

You know, I appreciate hookers just like everybody else, but it seems to me like there's no more excitement in paying for sex and/or transmitted diseases these days. The romance is gone and all you're left with is paying for diseases. There are much more invigorating things in this world that I think are worth spending your money on, like having sex with a whale. No... not Star Jones, I mean an actual whale. You could pretty much just find a pore and go to town; just don't leave them on the beach covered in oil....Animal rights activists don't like that too much. On the other hand, I have an idea for movies that no one's ever done and I think whether or not it's possible in real life to spend some green on gang green, it sure would be worth it to see it on the green screen.

I'm talking about ZOMBIE HOOKERS!! Think about it, what better way to come home to your wife then smelling like death? Rather than perfume, shame, and the occasional AIDS, you're sporting the rotting flesh odor and the more occasional than not, maggots all over your shwing shwong.
I know what you're thinking, you want one of those dead girls that are only about 50% there. I call it, the "Half Nelson" special.....Her name is actually Nelson, I thought it was fitting. The less of the zombie there actually is, the higher the price goes. You like hand jobs? How about one from just a hand? The skin might be rough, but just look at those fingernails! Do you like the almost a skeleton look? Try out our Leonard McCoy model. (too inside?) She's been here for years and our veteran "Prostizombie" (Yeah, I came up with that word; if you want to use it now, get out your money clip) If you enjoy back alley hookers, you'll want to see our back alley dumpster zombabies. Don't worry, they're over 18......they've just been in there for 18 years. (you know, that last one kind of makes me want to rethink my sense of humor, but I digress, so no one take this on a personal level please, I have sympathy for real dead people, like Anne Coulter and John Candy.)
So if you're not afraid to try something new, be sure to try something old! I turned away quite a few living women because now I have a Prostizombie fetish, so now they're dying to meet me.

Awww, come on, you didn't think I was going out on that one, did you? Ok, how about this one.......Two prostizombies walk into a bar......................................................and the other one says..........uuuuuuhhhhhhhggggg.


ME! said...

U R Crazy. Absolutely untouched with reality! But I love ya anyways! Personally, I prefer Vampire Love...something about the pale skin and wild eyes and shapr teeth to tear things...but without all the brains coming out.

Crude Humor said...

lol !

I don't think hes crazy but that was fricken funny, i just love this blog :)

Beau Horner said...

Thanks guys ;)

pixelpixie said...

Was this spawned by the episode of Manswers where they answer the question about little people prostitutes? You don't really need zombies for the um hand....job, just a nearby morgue.