Wednesday, October 7, 2009

O.J. Says: "It's Not a Tumor"...or Was That Someone Else?

With all the excitement involving my web show and the fact that somewhere in the world, right now, there is a two-toed sloth just pounding away on his fuzzy female, one couldn't possibly be able to contain themselves. Here we have the dilemma to live our lives without taking into consideration that there might have been things that we missed along the way. For example, The Cold War did not have any snowball fights.....none that we know of anyway. Someone probably stole $20 from your wallet/purse last week. By the way, thanks, guy from the elevator. Where the f#$% do ball-point pens go as soon as you lose them? Why can't women on myspace ever describe themselves in some way other than by how many tattoos and piercings they have? I have five magnets and two doodles on my fridge; it's pretty much the same thing.... but that's a post for another time.

...Which leads me to my thought for the day; the one I actually got a hold of. Do any of you remember the O.J. Simpson trial? God knows I do. The trial that went on for over a year? The one that sparked racism all over America, because people just wanted to believe he was innocent for some reason; people that had almost no idea who he was or how he lived his life. We all know he did it. In case you're wondering, I just peeled my eyelids open for about an hour reading it over again on Wikipedia. In 1994 I was 14, so at the time I really wasn't that interested in the whole thing. Believe it or not, I was being constructive with my time losing my virginity and perfecting my technique at Street Fighter, not to mention getting an earful about the death of Kurt Cobain from every teenage girl that thought she knew him personally somehow. Anyway, DNA evidence in murder trials was a fairly new concept and apparently, the jurors had no idea what DNA even was, let alone Street Fighter. Some of the jury afterward said he probably did do it (imagine that), but the prosecutors bungled their case and didn't give evidence beyond a reasonable doubt. Although now we know that the DNA unmistakably put O.J. at the scene and every other scene where he left his hair, blood, and bad acting skills, according to the law, he didn't do it.

Here's my point, IF according to the law he didn't murder his wife and pool house compadre, that means that someone did. Why hasn't California police opened up an investigation to find poor ol' Nichole's murderer? I'm sure someone did it. Has no one thought about this? We have a murder case to solve, people!!
There was actually a guy named William Dear, who wrote a book and conducted his own investigation pointing at O.J.'s son at the murders, but hey, at least he sold his book to a few people; probably also people that've never heard of Street Fighter.

Either way, people do notice how it all comes back around, whether or not they cared to notice at the time. Where's the Juice now? Oh, he's in prison for armed robbery and kidnapping. Johnny Cochran, the guy who famously got him off (and not in that "touch me there, yeah, that's right, that's the spot" kind of way)? Where he be? He's dead. Brain tumor. ( I think that boy from Kindergarten Cop called it.) What about the other defense lawyer? Where's that waskally wabbit hiding? I have no idea, but I do know he was disbarred in Florida and Massachusetts in 2001-2002 on 7 counts of attorney misconduct. Behold, the dream team!

That's a bad f#%&in' dream is what that is.

By the way, nice mustache, Black Gandhi.


Katie said...

I love your mind and adore your humor. Sometimes.

Beau Horner said...

and I love your everything else. Most of the time.