Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween is Like Wal-Mart Cosplay

It's again one of those days that are supposedly there to either fatten wallets or entertain innocent children by doing things that don't normally make sense in any other context. Halloween is one of these "special days" among our all-time favorites like Saturnalia, Gluttony Day, Catholic Cherub Day, Abnormal Rabbit Reproduction Day, and the ever famous "It's Alright to Be a Drunk Today Day". We help that one out by "celebrating" Show Your Boobs for Beads Day and Mexican Alcoholic Day.

I'm known to be a dick for not celebrating holidays because it's my perogative to inform lonely people on Christmas that it has nothing to do with Jesus and they don't have to kill themselves because they don't have any family. Some people in my area will be upset tonight because it's raining. It's such a bitch to have to regret spending all that money for costumes for your greedy children and money on candy for greedy children you don't know, but that's what you get for thinking today is any more special than another.... plus there's that issue with candy being five times cheaper tomorrow and I'll be reaping the Reese's creamy goodness.

Of course my child was also subject to such nonsense because she lives in America, ergo she's subject to be dressed up like somebody's doll for entertainment, kind of like putting clothes on a dog. She'll be taught sooner or later to "say no to tradition", or in the words of christian America, be a dick like me. It's tough to have to explain to people that either I don't celebrate pagan holidays, their holidays just aren't that important to me, or I don't believe in Santa Claus. It's that last one that really puzzles the christians. Don't get me wrong I do believe in God, it's just the christians don't accept me into their little elitist group because I can prove that God doesn't torture people in literal fire forever. That's actually a pagan belief too, but that's a blog for another time. This one was supposed to be about Halloween, but for some reason I forgot math part way through.

Anyway, if you want to dress up and take your kid out to meet strangers and their candy, have at it. If you just need an excuse to be drunk with a bunch of other drunks, be my guest. If possibly you're really, really ugly and you're just trying to fit in...........I'll meet you there; But there's really no justification for trekkies today. You know you wear that outfit all the time.