Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Pork Medallion Maneuver (Patent Pending)

I was originally going to write about something the rest of the world thinks is important, like the Obama Peace Prize thingy, or maybe something to do with Marge Simpson letting her "hair down" so to speak, posing nude in Playboy; which should give new meaning to who's "real" and who's not. Those things oddly enough don't interest me... of course neither does non-dwarf slapstick, but what I had in mind should inspire you to .....uh.....not be influenced by my idea?

Have you ever known there was something a little off about your license or vehicle as far as expiration, insurance lapse, etc. that if and when you get pulled over, you said to yourself or gay lover in the passenger side, "this guy is gonna screw me big time" (which for those of you that actually have a gay lover might not mind too much)? There's really no way to get even the smallest "jab" back in this guy's direction unless you'd like to get screwed even more 'frictiony'. I mean come on, you are in the wrong and the nice officer is just doing his job, right? So either way, you're going to pay out some mad money because you're lazy or poor, whichever makes the government moist. What can you do to say in a proverbial way, "you know what? Up yours little piggy!"? (remember, I said proverbial)

Well, since there's only three (maybe four now!!) people reading this anyway, I'll tell you what I do. All you need is something you should have on your person anyway, which is your drivers license (hopefully one NOT like the one featured, that's just creepy). Now, if you're wearing really tight pants... well then that'll explain why you have a gay lover sitting next to you, but it'll make this maneuver a little more difficult.
Basically, whenever you're driving, just always keep your license rubbin' right up against your "brotato" sack. If ever you get pulled over, reach down into your nugget snuggy and pull out whatever the nice policeman asks for. Whether he sees you doing it or not, it's still pretty funny; but just imagine the look on his face when he knows he might just have to touch it. I call this the Pork Medallion maneuver.

Look, you're probably going to go broke over a DMV fee delinquency or your unquenchable need for speed, so you might as well get a little chuckle out of it in the process. Remember, don't do this because it very rude to......Psh hahahahaha. I'm sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face.

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