Sunday, July 12, 2009

Dire Straight-up Coffee Flavored Coffee



Just like many American's, I enjoy my coffee in the mornings; almost as much as I like a little nookie and hallucinogenic mushrooms before noon. Depending on what kinds of coffee you get it can be an avalanche of taste followed by tinkling in your pants, or a landslide of crap followed by a loose stool. It still hasn't been that long that some companies will try to make your mornings taste like anything from blueberries to the glorified boogers I like to call raisins. Most of the time I like my coffee to taste like......coffee. I enjoy the taste of coffee and that's why I buy coffee instead of trying to drink liquid caramel or sipping Hazelnuts. I don't know who Hazel is, but -
Never mind... Too easy.

No matter how many ridiculous ideas people come up with to make their coffee taste like something else, somebody finally got it right.




Introducing Coffee Mate's (sorry it doesn't have that damn trademark symbol) Tiramisu flavored liquid creamer. Now we all love Tiramisu, but those of us that actually make the stuff (that's right peoples, I gots game) also know the thing that makes this oh so delicioso dessert so good is the flavor which is uh...........coffee?

That's absolutely correct sir! Tiramisu is coffee flavored; which means that a Tiramisu flavored creamer will make your coffee taste like coffee. Are you getting this? YOUR COFFEE WILL TASTE THE SAME AFTER USING THIS PRODUCT! So why buy it? Several reasons: You're a dumb-ass consumer and you'll believe anything the media tells you. Secondly, You like Tiramisu. I mean, of course you do. Who doesn't? You also like adding crap to your coffee to make it taste different. I don't know about you, but if I were to add too much of anything to my grandmother's cooking, it would be a direct insult to her and the TV dinners she served me. Imagine how Juan Valdez feels when you metaphorically smack him in his Colombian face with your opinion of his coffee not being good enough for your American, round-eyed taste buds.

Coffee Mate, I usually tolerate you to an extent, but this time I'm proud of you. You finally make a product that I can honestly say does not pervert my coffee in any way. However, if I were to pay you money for nothing, I should also get my chicks for free.

6 comments:

Cheap Soma Online said...

So I am guessing you drink your coffee black? With no sugar.

While I do drink my coffee with milk and sugar, I only add little. No use brewing coffee if I don't get to enjoy the taste of it due to add-ons.

ReformingGeek said...

Hum....I was about to say that tea is much more simple but I'm not so sure. I'll take my tea plain, please.

Beau Horner said...

Soma - There's a broad area involving cream(milk) and sugar. You can add a little here and there and it doesn't make it taste like sugar. My wife on the other hand likes to drink the actual sugar with a couple drops of coffee on top.

ReformingGeek - tea is so complex, I don't know where to start.

I take that back... I would start with Snapple

Jason said...

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I was wondering if you wanted to exchange links with us. Let me know if this is possible.

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Jason

Lunatron (aka Jamie) said...

COFFEE!!! I love coffee flavored coffee. Sometimes I pour some more coffee in on top of my coffee to give it a little extra, umm... I guess heat. Delicious.

Beau Horner said...

Jason - Yes.....I'm pretty sure it's possible.

Jamie - yes, yes...who could resist all that delicious heat?