Friday, July 3, 2009

Fast Food Prostitution Makes Its Debut!

Apparently, drunk girls in the south will consider trading sex for McDonald's. I'm not sure if there's a price cap, but I can definitely afford the dollar menu. I realize they have to be really, really drunk, but you and the Cap'n can make it happen. This gave me an idea a lot like the one's I usually get, so I decided to exploit the three concussions I received last week from driving while getting ...........that's not important. I'm going to move to Kings Mountain, North Carolina to open up my own brothel called "Surely These Are a New Kind of Hookers, Only Less Expensive" a.k.a. the S.T.A.N.K. H.O.L.E. I'm just kidding, that was the hookers' idea. I'm actually calling it "Fast Food Always Gets Us Tail" or F.F.A.G.U.T.............I'm still working on that one.

The procedure will be pretty simple. We set up shop right next to a McDonald's or whichever fast food chain the whores prefer, then you find a drunk girl that fits your specifications such as vertigo, nausea, memory loss, loose stools, slurred speech, ataxia, compromised inhibitions, or mismatching clothing; take her drive-thru order, then come back and let her eat half of it before she performs for you. She gets the other half upon completion of the contract.

Now there are of course things you have to keep in mind when having relations with a fast food hooker. Diseases you say? No, you only get those from computer viruses; we've already discussed this. Remember, you only have a limited amount of time on two counts: First, you have to make it fast or else his/her food will get cold. Second, they're drunk as hell. You need to make it even faster before they barf all over you.
Keep in mind this is a tricky business. These whores have to receive shots daily for vitamin supplements and vaccines for food related issues. It's not like they eat anything healthy. This lack of concern for health can lead to several side effects that can be fatal and/or harmful to the whore's well being, all of which still get you some, so we don't care too much.

Remember, if it's not a F.F.A.G.U.T., it's still a whore...

Alright, I'll work on a new slogan.


Candice said...

I'm off to the gym now.

Thanks for the motivation

Beau Horner said...

Candince - think thin babe.

Sue said...

My eyes! My eyes!
I was just about to get myself a bowl of ice cream, but I guess I'll go with the carrots sticks instead.
Damn you again Beau!

Beau Horner said...

Sue - Don't lie, you know you ate the ice cream.