Monday, July 27, 2009

The Couch.......The Epitome of Man's Best Friend



With the toy show completely flopping and me having that really hot and itchy diarrhea, you would think I had a pretty bad weekend; but actually aside from sitting in the stall and for five second straight I thought I heard someone dumping three hundred pounds of potatoes into a tub of Jello, it wasn't all that bad. Someone recommended to me a site called ECrater which is like ebay, only free. Don't get me started on how much I hate ebay, though. I'd rather just skip the middle man and send my stuff out to random people, while at the same time sending ebay my firstborn and a gift certificate for one free middle finger.

Just in case one of my three readers are concerned, I'm not being evicted, I came up with the money... and I'm not a gigilo yet, but I haven't taken that off my list of possibilities.



Last night I checked my email for the second time this month and found I received one from the marketing coordinator at mancouch.com. Apparently they've read my blog and want to feature it on their site. Well, obviously because I'm a man's man. I pee in the shower and I just found out what napkins are used for. I roll the windows up in the car just before I fart and I don't wash my hands after using the restroom. Whatever I'm supposed to do, I'll do it later. I love fake boobs, slutty women, any food with massive, rediculous amounts of meat and cheese, ultimate fighting, jobs that pay in Jack Daniel's, and teaching my daughter to love Batman. I think that at least qualifies my man card to be punched enough for a free sandwich or something. With all of this free stuff these sites are getting with featuring my writing, I seriously need to get a paying gig, like that guy that tells people to be quiet at the golf course. I'm sure he makes a buttload of cash. Maybe someone should pay me to point out that Sid the Science Kid doesn't have any teeth........crap, I just gave it away.

5 comments:

Lunatron (aka Jamie) said...

Manly men are the only way men were meant to be. Give a big belch, scratch yourself and blog in your shorts. I hear you brother.

Beau Horner said...

Lunatron - not like girly men. Just ask Dana Carvey and Kevin Nealon.

unfinishedrambler said...

As one of your three readers, I'm glad to hear you're not being evicted.

So what you're saying is that you like your women a little on the trashy side a la Confederate Railroad? I hear ya, bro.

Beau Horner said...

Rambler - I'd say it at least one step above the Reading Railroad....and ten years the senior from Reading Rainbow.

Anonymous said...

is porn the only winner during credit crunch?