Saturday, June 20, 2009

Father's Day: Thank You For Gettin' Some





Once again yesterday we explored the comic world of the annual Heroes Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina while also being able to retain our dignity as the biggest Batman fans that ever lived. Last year I posted a blog about how silly those who dressed up in spandex looked while not fighting crime, but instead fishing for compliments, I deleted it because all I got were hateful comments by people with too much sand in their vaginas. Apparently, looking for an excuse to wear your Halloween costume a few more days out of the year is respected among the comic book geek universe. Sure, playing dress-up was fun when we were kids, but I guess being yourself is overrated these days, especially if yourself is a chronic masturbator with a taste for dry humor and tights with a lightning bolt and wings on your head. Don't get me wrong, I think events where almost everyone wears costumes is kind of cool, but going to a comic book convention where this kind of behavior isn't really a commodity makes it a little weirder than normal.



Anyway, today is Father's Day; the day where people congradulate me for having sex with my wife. I mean, I did the very best that I could, so in honor of Father's day, I'd like to give this congradulatory speech that I prepared for such an occasion:

" I'd like to thank all of the little people that made this possible. I'd like to thank God, my mother, the camera crew, and also multiple sex partners throughout the years that brought me to where I am today. I'd like to thank George Foreman for some reason. I'd like to thank my friends and family for encouraging me not to pull out, which resulted in the conception of my first child, Blinky. Blinky was half goat and half human, so she didn't make it very far in life. rest in peace Blinky.
I'd like to thank my wife for defying the laws of marriage and finding it in her heart to have sex with me at least once. I'd like to also thank my penis for doing what's right.....and all of my fans out there. Without you, I couldn't do what I do best. Thank you Santa Claus and Eric Estrada. Thank you midget porn, threesomes, and Cool Whip. Most of all, thank you to that old lady on the street that taught me the ways of the Kama Sutra and how to eat cream corn without a can opener. "

I hope you enjoyed my speech and happy Father's Day to all of you fathers out there who resisted the sexiness of goats everywhere.

Rest in peace Blinky...

6 comments:

pixelpixie said...

Happy Father's day, Douche-nozzle! =)
Great speech, well spoken! But you forgot to thank Microscopic Stewie for eradicating the evil hell spawn child that was to be your child instead of Harley...

But seriously........

.....you need to douche more often.

Love you guys!

Beau Horner said...

Pixie - Thanks, bitch-faucet!

Yeah, you're right...thanks also to Wallace Shawn and Seth McFarland for making a dramatic ball sack fight scene!

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Your speech moved me to tears. It also moved me to use the restroom. Sort that out yourself.

Anonymous said...

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Beau Horner said...

Chris - I have no idea how to respond to that......

I take that back... It was the goat part, wasn't it?

Anonymous said...

Happy father's day!

I forgot how camp that guy from CHiPs looked like. LOL.





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