Saturday, April 25, 2009

Camping is For People without Ceilings

Let's have a show of hands....Who likes camping? I coudn't tell you how many people I've seen tell me that this is one thing they really enjoy. Just think of all the wondrous things you can see and experience with this "old fashioned" outdoor meet-and-greet with mother nature's finest. The first thing you have to remember when preparing for this 5-star experience is to pack a suitcase just in case the washer-dryer combo awaiting your arrival is magically transformed into a stream followed by wind. You can never pack enough clothes of the bright, neon orange persuasion. Hunters, however aren't the only things to worry about. You have to make sure you brought enough protection against the forces of the animal kingdom, such as: mosquitoes, ticks, spiders, snakes, beavers, badgers, squirrels, chipmunks, bears, sharks, dragons, clowns, and Eric Rudolf's love child.

Even though preparation is the most important thing when going camping, he best part is remembering that you're pretending to be poor. going out into the woods should be a pleasurable undertaking, but if sleeping inside a giant mitten underneath an umbrella with a zipper isn't your thing, you could build a fire and burn snack food with a stick. Sounds like paradise.

The only hang-up I have about all of the wonderful things that camping entails is the fact that you have no F%#*ING CEILING!! I pay for one of those, why in the hell would I want to leave it behind to sleep outside? Do you have any idea how well those "water resistant" tents work? It rains for five minutes and you wake up thinking you bladder just played a prank on you. People with motor homes? Don't get me started. Leaving your hometown to sleep in your house somewhere else is like saying, "can I ask you a question?" I hope we learned something today. People used to "camp" out of necessity, now they do it for fun. What's next, hunting?


LOBO said...

Amen! Jeez it's like practicing bein' homeless!I got a Wilderness Survival merit badge as a scout. It's normally a pretty tough one to get, but I spotted a gas station a few miles up from where they dropped us off. I spent the whole three days playing Tempest and eating microwave burritos. I'll bet I actually gained weight.

When we got back, there was a big ceremonial dinner and my co-campers were STARVING. I passed on the meal. Picking my teeth, I said "No thanks. I just ate pheasant.”

-To this day I have no idea what a "pheasant" looks like.

Beau Horner said...

I think they kinda look like Ray Romano.