Monday, April 13, 2009

Into The Mind of Nothingness - Part 1

Sometimes being me requires some level of concentration. While it might be completely impossible for anyone to be able to pull it off with as much of a loose grip on reality as I have, I assure you that no one has yet even tried.........or asked........So here I am to explain where my mind gets its ideas and to spark no one's interest, because, well, no one was interested.

Anyway, coffee works wonders on the brain. It allows you to uncontrollably shake and convulse with the grace of Michal J. Fox and keeps you awake to feel every minute of it. You stay up late, wake up early, start your day off with more coffee than Juan Valdez would spit into your cup before actually handing it to you, and with any luck you'll survive long enough to repeat the same process tomorrow.

Putting your foot in your mouth also is utterly detrimental to this endeavor. First off, you have to say anything and everything just to get a reaction from people without trying to get a specific reaction. This is all for the good of science......and boredom. Sometimes, this is the most important step in finding worth while people that understand your nonsensical demeanor. Most things I say are solely for a laugh which can't be taken to heart and I stress this part even though I still call it putting my foot in my mouth. I would have called it putting my ass in my face, but I think The Tick beat me to it.

having an attention deficit rarely helps, but it adds to the mass confusion and hysteria. Imagine that everything you think of makes you think of something else, kind of like Einstein's theory, but with a lot more bright colors and flavors........and marshmallows. But these thoughts aren't lingering, you think about it just long enough to get an image in your skull, then it's blown out of proportion and runs through a crazy straw called the brain stem, straight into the pelvic region, where all thoughts actually originate. I just use it to pee too.

I hope this first part of this Twelve-step program gives you some insight on what my brain is like and how it functions on a daily basis and how it functions on a daily basis and how it............. So give it a shot, try to think like me. It might kill you, but what doesn't kill you makes you vomit in your mouth a little.

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