Friday, April 10, 2009

Another Day, Another Dollar, Another Lesbian Shows Her Ass

I just not too long ago got myself a new account on a "dating" site called OkCupid. It's actually not a bad online community, if you loooooooove a nice, big sausage fest every once in a while. The men outnumber the women on this site about 20-1, and not only are some of the women rather cocky and virtually bored with the overpopulated testosterone, apparently the personal issues lash out like Tom cruise at a water gun. I strongly encourage you to take a look at this site if you're single or have unicorn syndrome, it's absolutely free and if you're a guy, you automatically have the privilage of being blocked, ignored, and insulted at any random woman's leisure.

But this is clearly not the only reason why I want you to check out this site, is it? Hell no...........I want to introduce you to the original inspiration of this blog that I give to you, also free of charge. I received the pleasure of being introduced to yet another period exploding over the internet while browsing profiles and landing on one I thought slightly amusing, but harmless nonetheless. I was planning on giving you the actual user name, but I'd rather not give this Lisa Loeb wannabe, borderline feminist free advertising, but I will fill you in on what I found so entertaining.

Now, on this site, the profiles are separated by headers like, Self Summary and Six Things I Could Never Do Without. So I browsed this Sucubi's life story and under the "My favorite music/movie etc..." section, I found so many names of bands, it was almost like looking at Pamela Anderson's black book. I don't know anyone that has enough time on their hands to give that much music attention, let alone keep up a persona that could suck the life out of any man that questioned said appetite for destruction of a human soul.
This wasn't the funny part.
Directly underneath this section was another called "I Spend A lot of Time Thinking About" and she simply said "what the future brings". ARE you kidding me?! Seven thousand band names and THAT'S what's on your mind?!?!
So I do what I always do, I sent this Lilith Fair atendee a message about how her profile amused me. I wasn't offensive at all; actually, I thought she would have seen the connection and got the joke, but apparently, brooding lesbians take offense at everything. I got a beautiful message back regarding my wife, my child, and that my life is apparently going nowhere......and I just found out that watching cartoons isn't productive. Imagine that.

I didn't reply back with anything mean; she's obviously suffering from that sand in her vagina......and all of those butch truckers. Honestly, I have a great life. I have a wonderful wife, the most beatiful child that you can purchase on the black market, and I use my free time to educate myself with quantum physics, stylish Italian dishes, and porn. What more could anyone want?

The absolute, most hilarious thing I noticed about this profile was with the journal post feature. Now get this..... Chick posted a three-part novel entitled "A Little More About Me". Let me emphasize the phrase "little" because I got Carpal Tunnel twice from scrolling down; I thought I was reading the Neverending Story. The content, however, was far, far from funny, but that's a different story all together....

Maybe one for Dr. Phil.

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