Monday, April 27, 2009

Isle 12 Keeps Your Insurance Deflowering You

In the midst of this economy taking a back seat to watch the hi jinx, nothing pisses me off more than biting into a popsicle and finding the stick. Why on Earth would anyone jam wood inside of their food so they can hold onto it better? Oddly enough, I have the same problem with corn dogs, chocolate covered bananas, marshmallows, and cats. There's nothing more annoying than eating something and finding a piece of a tree inside your food. So now, you're not just eating your popsicle, you've just adopted steps into the enjoyment of your frozen treat. First you bite down until your teeth say, Oh God, what the hell is this?!?", and then you have to work your way around this new found obstruction in the road of satiation by "picking a side". Some of you might be thinking, what does this have to do with me? By all means it has everything to do with you.

Doctors all over the world are trying to give you a check-up. This is one reason why insurance is so high. Of course they can't prove that you're currently eating Popsicle, but they can track how many have been purchased from the stores. All we need is a boycott on popsicles everywhere and maybe just like trying to find an alternate source of fuel in automobiles, high-paid scientists can discover something other than a damn stick to put inside a popsicle. Why not use something like licorice or those little crappy candy sticks lying all over the floor at Cracker Barrel? There's enough of those to satisfy every single senior citizen the world over.

Just remember the next time you bite into a cold, refreshing popsicle on a hot day to quench your craving for frozen respite......There's an agenda at work.
Somebody should tell the writers on Scrubs.


Sue said...

Dear God! As if I didn't have enough to worry about. Now a popsicle conspiracy? We're doomed!

Beau Horner said...

Well, the joke was on you....Why else do you think they call it Good Humor?

Anonymous said...

quite interesting article. I would love to follow you on twitter.