Hey! She is a Handsom Woman

I hate retard movies and I’ll tell you why. Why is it when you do an impersonation of a “special needs” person, it’s considered offensive almost to the level of Glenn Close, but when an “actor” is doing the same thing (for millions I might add), they win awards, they’re idolized, and (they’re obviously not Carlos Mencia) people love them for it ?!

It’s almost the same formula for movies with gay characters that star straight guys pretending they have the ‘queer eye’. We need real retards, damn it; Like in Stuck on You or The Ringer.

So here’s the thing. If you do impressions of anyone around bigots and hypocrites, they will undoubtedly hate you. Become an actor and do the exact same thing, they will love you. The problem is not in what you’re doing, it’s the context in which people are idiots. I would MUCH rather befriend a retarded kid than anyone I know. They don’t talk back, they don’t disagree, they’re always smiling, they don’t lie, cheat, or steal, and they’re always wearing protection, just in case the bus crashes into “Ms.” Close. Not to mention, they can relieve themselves anywhere. You can’t buy that kind of freedom. They also have super human strength! I once saw a guy in a diaper pull a school bus with his teeth…..

Wait….

That was someone else.

The fact remains that I am NOT Sam, and I too am partially retarded, at least the peeing part. Just so we’re clear, THE NOTHING REPORT is not against gays, lesbians, or retards. It’s against gay retards that pee their pants in front of Glenn Close and lie about it to his face.........her face.