Wednesday, July 23, 2008

More Poop for a Sugar Free Tomorrow

One of my best friends the other night made me laugh and throw up in my mouth, which caused me to eat some of my vomit that I threw up and then it came out of my nose.....eventually she offended all five of my senses. She told me about not being able to eat sugar anymore and that she loves cookies, so whenever she wants a cookie of some kind, she has to eat sugar free cookies. Something I didn't know was, apparently when you eat sugar free cookies, you poop all over the place, therefore sacrificing your initial enjoyment of said cookie and bake brownies instead; so in honor of this glorious occasion, I'm going to say the word poop more times than anyone in the history of blogging for this one post. When you poop this poop I call the sugar free poop, or SFP, you poop a poop that's unlike any other poop of its "poopy" nature. It's a poop of pooptastic pooportions. It's a poop that you poop against your will, but you poop it with the poopmost enjoyment. A sugar free poop has poop written all over it....all over the walls....all over the couch...you see whare I'm going with this. Your poop stains your reputation and your pants, but you keep eating because the cookies are so damn good. It's when you didn't realize that you ate the whole sleeve that you think to yourself," Oh, crap (I mean poop) I'm gonna s%#t all over the place!"......and you wait....and you wait.....then you poop like there's no tomorrow. But wait! There's no toilet paper, so you call in one of your eight cats, "here, kitty kitty". Your poop now looks like their poop. Then, they hobble over to the liter box and wipe the poop in the cat poop box. Now your poop is in their home, and it irritates the cats, so they run frantically in a violent fit of rage at your poop being with their poop in their poop box and on their butt where the poop comes out. The cats spread it all over the inside of the house and it looks like Courtney Love lives there. All of this poop makes you so sick that you throw up in your mouth a little and then it came out of your nose.....eventually, I've offended all five of your senses with poop. I seriously hope you're not eating a Hot Pocket right now...........poop.









Click this link and vote before I poop myself.

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13 comments:

Rickey Henderson said...

Well that's certainly the greatest number of times Rickey will ever see the word 'poop' used in one place...

The Nemesing One said...

What a poopy post. I like it!

sinisterdan said...

then it came out of my nose.....

Really, you could have ended the whole thing right there.

Chat Blanc (aka Sandy) said...

really, I'm pooped out now

The Hypocritical One said...

I thought this was a review of 2girls 1 cup....

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I'm trying to figure out where all this poop came from? Was it the laxative effect of maltilol in the cookies? It's because of that crap (I mean poop) that I can't even eat one, let alone a whole sleeve!

Beau Horner said...

The Hypocritical One,

2 girls 1 cup didn't have cats.


sinisterdan,

but you read the whole thing, didn't you?



Nanny Goats In Panties,

it was definitely something that makes you want more pecan sandies. That's all I could tell you.

Bee said...

Hay Caramba! Did someone say, poop??

momjeansblogger said...

I thought this was a pop culture blog, not a poop culture blog! Or maybe it's a political blog with all this talk about our grossest national product.

I know they're bad, but I couldn't resist!

Sara said...

Wow, I am pretty disgusted by this post and thats saying a lot considering I talk about poop and diarrhea all the time on my blog.

Sarah♥ said...

Wow-- I read this at work.. couldnt keep a straight face one bit.

POOP.

Skip DeKades said...

I laughed so hard I pooped myself.

Anonymous said...

thenothingreport.blogspot.com; You saved my day again.