Sunday, July 13, 2008

Like, Jeopardy Smart


I think that sometimes you have to ask yourself, what were they thinking? There's this company that makes a lot of children's toys and accessories....Let's call them Shmisher Shmice. With the giant arsenal of baby fun time gay stuff, there's one in particular I'd like to address, which I can't possibly allow my daughter to "explore the possibilities" with. Behold, the Shmisher Shmice nail clippers.










Now, this thing is obviously too small for me to play with, so it must have been made for a baby's enjoyment and entertainment. What happened to bouncy balls and bikes? Hell, even ShmcDonald's toys for them to suffocate with. Somehow, this company got nail clippers passed us highly intelligent parents. I don't even think they would get passed the airport security and they find it necessary for children to have these things; but being so very smart, like Jeopardy smart, I followed my instincts and took it out of the package for her to play with. Almost immediately she was hemorrhaging at the neck. I told my wife she didn't follow the instructions correctly, but for some reason it was all MY fault. My wife said we were supposed to cut her nails with them and she wasn't supposed to play with it. Then I said, "then why do they make them child size? Hmm?" Long story short, the boss won that argument.

I'll tell you what isn't made for children...
That's right, baby killers, vaincoats, soldier sleeves. I took this picture at Shmal-Mart and what was more puzzling than the people staring at me and wondering what I was doing taking pictures of condoms with my phone, was the sign just above it...








Answer me this: If you are trying to prevent birth, is that the same as planning a family? Shouldn't that be called, family prevention? They should put a giant sign at eye level that says, "HOW NOT TO HAVE A FAMILY, YOU BASTARD", but I don't think that would go over too well with their PR department. But hey, if you really want to prevent a family first hand, get your children some Shmisher Shmice nail clippers....or do it in the butt.



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3 comments:

Bee said...

I feel like I'm sooo close to breaking those codenames!!

Shmal-Mart = Rexall Drugs??

Meg said...

I was never good at Pig Latin.

Beau Horner said...

aybe may if it as way ig pay atin lay, I'd ow knay at whay you're alking tay about........ay?